I do not have it together.
I am not the mom who always looks put together and is accessorized and has my hair & makeup done. If anyone has ever thought that I am, well gotcha! I had you fooled. My usual attire consists of some variation of workout clothes with nut butter or baby food (or worse) smeared down the side of it, no make up, and a messy bun. It always used to be that at least I would put myself together to go to church, but lately even Sundays aren’t exempt from the “throw the hair up in a half wet messy bun because I had fifteen minutes to get myself ready” look. Apparently my kids are so used to seeing me like this that when I had my hair down the other day my endearing two year old said “mommy, you look different in a bad way.” Thanks, kid. Talk about a confidence booster…
There are almost always crumbs under my kitchen table (no matter how many times I sweep) and dirty dishes in the sink (because my little people eat A. LOT.) And the kids’ bathroom never totally looks (or smells) clean.
I have moments where I lose my cool – especially when we’re rushing to get out the door and one child slams the front door in another child’s face AGAIN. Or when we are in a store and I turn around just in time to see my child preparing to scale the side of a tall rack of clothing as if it’s a ladder. Or when I’m cleaning liquid excrement off the hallway and bathroom floors while the guilty party is crying in the shower, the baby is crying in the crib, and the biggest one is trying to calm the littlest one but is unsuccessfully yelling “help mom! help! It’s not working!”
I like things to be quiet, calm, and controlled.
I like my house to be clean and my clothes to be folded and put away.
I like to go about my day with a peaceful atmosphere.
I want my house to be the house that Marie Kondo walks into, looks around, and throws her tiny little arms up in the air and says, “ Thank you house, but there is nothing I can do here.”
… But I’m beginning to realize that, at least for this season of mommin’, that just might not be practical. Now don’t laugh, I’m sure you already concluded that – some of us just like to cling to the faint hope that it could be for as long as we can.
The reality is that some days, while not quiet or drama free, are much more peaceful than others. And there are days that I rock this mom thing. But there are also days where I question everything about every word I’ve ever said to my kids and want to go crawl in my closet with a piece of cheesecake and hibernate until I’m a better mom.
The truth is that the only way to get better is to keep working at it – not hiding from it. The only way to get better at anything is to persevere and refuse to coast. The truth is that no one else can be a better mom for my kids than I can because God picked me for them, and I’m so glad He did.
They need me to take care of myself so that I can take care of them.
They need me to continue to grow myself so that I can help grow them into the mature adults that they can be.
They need me to be okay so that our whole family can be okay.
And the truth is, with God’s help we can be a whole lot more than just okay. While yes, there are some days where the only goal should be to keep the tiny humans alive, the little years can be about more than just surviving – we can learn to thrive.
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